Episode 3 in which Redgy almost commits a hate crime!

Doesn't this title sound like a very special episode of blossom? I love it because it kind of is. There's sort of a moral to this story.... maybe... kinda... not really. So, given that I'm still at work and it's almost 1 am as I wait for my client files to build, maybe I should just get to it. Storytime - hooooo!

So about 6 months ago I learned something that would change my life forever. Do you guys know that the currency of the great people of Vietnam is? (well of course you do, because I know who is reading this, but play along anyways)

.... wait for it....
.... keeping waiting ....
.... it's worth it ....

the dong.

You read that right (although I'm sure you pronounced it incorrectly); Vietnamese currency is called dong. You just can't make something like that up and, being that I have the mind of an 8 year old boy, it makes me giggle. Even now I have a smile on my face. (tee hee - I just typed dong – my mother raised a winner in me).

So, it should come as no surprise that when Q came back from a trip to Vietnam, and found it in her heart to give me 100,000 dong, that I just went to town. At the time I was sharing an office with Poptart and, oh that poor girl, it's a wonder she didn't slap me.

"Wow! That's more dong than I've seen in a long time."
"You know, I would expect a dong to be bigger and heavier."
"Would you like to see my dong?"
"Oh, no, girl -- I have 100,000 dong. 1 just isn't worth anything."
"That's it; I'm slapping my dong on the table right now. You guys are all crazy."

... and so on.

I just couldn't stop, and there's really nothing you can say that isn't made better by incorporating dong into it. Go ahead, try it out. I'll wait.

See! Gigglefest.

Anyhoos. So this went on for several weeks and, I'll be honest, we are still making dong jokes today. However, when I left the office of Poptart and Q to join another company, one thing was left behind...a little piece of me for them to giggle at. It read, simply:

I <3 Dong

Well, it didn't just say that. It started out as I <3 Dong and turned into I <3 (insert person's name here) dong, but the important part was that someone, who shall remain nameless loves dong. Maybe it was me; maybe it was some other programmer guy that didn't even notice that I inserted his name in there while his back was turned. Either way, when I packed up my bag and moved to a new company that doesn't appreciate my dong the way Q and Poptart do, it was a sad day for me as I knew I’d have to tuck my dong away from my coworkers.

*snicker* See! Still funny.

So, fast forward a few months. I have settled in at my new company and Raul has recently joined me over here. Being new folks, something we learned is that everyone here loves playing ping pong, and, man, do they play it competitively. New folks have to add their name to a white board and challenge up into the ranks. Unfortunately, I suck at ping pong. I'm not joking, I’m seriously horrible. So even though I've been here for several months, I am still at the bottom of the leader board. As such, it wasn’t hard to notice when the pool boy added his name to the list, and then further note when someone added a little harmless <3 next to his name.

It was a sign. I knew what needed to be done. Truthfully, there was only one thing to do.

I set down my soda, grabbed a marker, and then started to write the words that I had longed to say for 4 months but dare not speak aloud.

Raul <3 was transformed into:

Raul <3's Dong

I giggled and started to skip out of the break room to share my wit with Raul when, suddenly, it struck me. The people here did not understand the dong. They did not approve nor appreciate the beauty of the dong joke in all of its glory! I had just committed my first hate crime by outing Raul's love of dong on the company white board for all to see.

Although I couldn't see her, I felt the HR lady's head tilt like a dog that has just heard a bizarre sound and I knew -- oh she who has committed “sexual harassment” at the workplace before knew what would be in store if HR saw what I wrote next to Raul's name. A whole scenario played out in my head which started with the HR lady berating me and ended up with me in a woman's prison screaming "dong is Vietnamese currency!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE LINDA'S BITCH!! AAHHHHH!! IT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE!"

So, I sheepishly erased it, picked up my soda, then walked over to Raul's desk to tell him that I was a hair’s breadth away from committing a hate crime against him. His response? "Hate crime? Pssh. There’s nothing wrong with loving dong!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Raul. :)