Episode 3 in which Redgy almost commits a hate crime!

Doesn't this title sound like a very special episode of blossom? I love it because it kind of is. There's sort of a moral to this story.... maybe... kinda... not really. So, given that I'm still at work and it's almost 1 am as I wait for my client files to build, maybe I should just get to it. Storytime - hooooo!

So about 6 months ago I learned something that would change my life forever. Do you guys know that the currency of the great people of Vietnam is? (well of course you do, because I know who is reading this, but play along anyways)

.... wait for it....
.... keeping waiting ....
.... it's worth it ....

the dong.

You read that right (although I'm sure you pronounced it incorrectly); Vietnamese currency is called dong. You just can't make something like that up and, being that I have the mind of an 8 year old boy, it makes me giggle. Even now I have a smile on my face. (tee hee - I just typed dong – my mother raised a winner in me).

So, it should come as no surprise that when Q came back from a trip to Vietnam, and found it in her heart to give me 100,000 dong, that I just went to town. At the time I was sharing an office with Poptart and, oh that poor girl, it's a wonder she didn't slap me.

"Wow! That's more dong than I've seen in a long time."
"You know, I would expect a dong to be bigger and heavier."
"Would you like to see my dong?"
"Oh, no, girl -- I have 100,000 dong. 1 just isn't worth anything."
"That's it; I'm slapping my dong on the table right now. You guys are all crazy."

... and so on.

I just couldn't stop, and there's really nothing you can say that isn't made better by incorporating dong into it. Go ahead, try it out. I'll wait.

See! Gigglefest.

Anyhoos. So this went on for several weeks and, I'll be honest, we are still making dong jokes today. However, when I left the office of Poptart and Q to join another company, one thing was left behind...a little piece of me for them to giggle at. It read, simply:

I <3 Dong

Well, it didn't just say that. It started out as I <3 Dong and turned into I <3 (insert person's name here) dong, but the important part was that someone, who shall remain nameless loves dong. Maybe it was me; maybe it was some other programmer guy that didn't even notice that I inserted his name in there while his back was turned. Either way, when I packed up my bag and moved to a new company that doesn't appreciate my dong the way Q and Poptart do, it was a sad day for me as I knew I’d have to tuck my dong away from my coworkers.

*snicker* See! Still funny.

So, fast forward a few months. I have settled in at my new company and Raul has recently joined me over here. Being new folks, something we learned is that everyone here loves playing ping pong, and, man, do they play it competitively. New folks have to add their name to a white board and challenge up into the ranks. Unfortunately, I suck at ping pong. I'm not joking, I’m seriously horrible. So even though I've been here for several months, I am still at the bottom of the leader board. As such, it wasn’t hard to notice when the pool boy added his name to the list, and then further note when someone added a little harmless <3 next to his name.

It was a sign. I knew what needed to be done. Truthfully, there was only one thing to do.

I set down my soda, grabbed a marker, and then started to write the words that I had longed to say for 4 months but dare not speak aloud.

Raul <3 was transformed into:

Raul <3's Dong

I giggled and started to skip out of the break room to share my wit with Raul when, suddenly, it struck me. The people here did not understand the dong. They did not approve nor appreciate the beauty of the dong joke in all of its glory! I had just committed my first hate crime by outing Raul's love of dong on the company white board for all to see.

Although I couldn't see her, I felt the HR lady's head tilt like a dog that has just heard a bizarre sound and I knew -- oh she who has committed “sexual harassment” at the workplace before knew what would be in store if HR saw what I wrote next to Raul's name. A whole scenario played out in my head which started with the HR lady berating me and ended up with me in a woman's prison screaming "dong is Vietnamese currency!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE LINDA'S BITCH!! AAHHHHH!! IT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE!"

So, I sheepishly erased it, picked up my soda, then walked over to Raul's desk to tell him that I was a hair’s breadth away from committing a hate crime against him. His response? "Hate crime? Pssh. There’s nothing wrong with loving dong!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Raul. :)

Redgy almost kills Q.... again.

It's finally time to start story time, as I almost killed Q this morning. However, before I get started, let me let you guys in on a few things.

First of all, how did Redgy and Elevant come about? Well, that's easy. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a condition called verbal diarrhea. That is to say, I open my mouth and you never know what is going to come out. Sometimes it's poetry. Sometimes it's stupid. But it's almost always funny... or awkward... but mostly funny. So, one night, the usual group of us are out getting drinks (and is it wrong that I'm giggling about every one's code name... it's so James Bond, but without the guns, or gadgets, or Moneypenny): There's me, Elevant (you'll hear more from her later), Q, Raul the pool boy, Poptart, and Zhan (the EVIL ASIAN!!!). I had been thinking about doing something a little bit different with my hair, so, being that I do not have a fashionable bone in my body, I decide to ask Elevant for her thoughts because her hair is always edgy and relevant. In fact, her hair is a little famous - so there's really no denying that it's relevant. Now, we've had a few drinks, so it should come as no surprise that when I open my mouth to ask her what she thinks, that I tell her I want my hair to be redgy and elevant... just like her. Then I pause. Then bust out laughing. At which point, we all decide on a hairstyle or two that would, in fact, make me very redgy which leaves her as the elevant one.

"And, you know what? Wouldn't that be an awesome blog name? Redgy and Elevant?"
"It would be awesome!"
(time passes - more drinks are ordered)
"Hey, you know what would also be awesome? Karaoke."
"Holy crap, I'm in."
"Me too."
"I'd be down."
"I'm easy."
"I know, you keep telling us. We all know you are at this point."
"Oh shut up."
"Aw, but it's BYOB and the liquor stores are closed."
"I've got bottles at home, and I'm 2 blocks away."
"That's it, we're going. We'll meet you at Q's!"
"HOORAY!"

... And that, folks, is how history is made.

So back to this morning.

Q and I carpool in the morning, partly because I live in BFE (so everything is on the way when you live out in the middle of nowhere), partly because her company doesn't pay for downtown parking and mine does, partly because I just plain like her company, and partly because Q likes to put her life in the hands of a crazy woman every morning. If I had a dollar for every time I said "OMG I swear I don't drive like an idiot!" or "I don't do this when I'm alone, I promise!!" or "I'm sorry, I didn't, I ... I... (blush)" I would be a very rich woman indeed. Despite this, Q still rides with me in the morning and is very nice about the whole thing.

For the past month, however, I've been working really late hours which, of course, makes things worse. On top of that, I have punked out on the carpool multiple times lately. Either I hit the snooze button or I turn off the alarm and then dream that I got ready, just to find out that I didn't and that Q has found her own way into work (thank you very much). This morning, was no exception. Apparently, I had agreed to pick Q up at the mechanic at the usual time. So, at 7:50am I get a text.

Q: "Are you still asleep?"
Me: "yeah, I didn't get home until 2am. It would be great if you could find your own way in today. I'm tired"
Q: "Um, okay. I think the dealer has a shuttle that can take me home.
Me: "OMG OMG OMG! I'll be there in 15 minutes!!"

and with that, I awoke with such an adrenaline rush that I knocked over my alarm, stepped on the dog and left Zhan going "what the hell is going on... mumble mumble...back to sleep".

I got there in 20 minutes instead of 15, but I was pretty pleased with myself, all things considered. Q thought that coffee was in order, and I agreed that it was an awesome idea. I let her know that she should just direct me as I wasn't too familiar with this area and I'm dead...freaking...tired. So, Q did, and as we talked I piloted splendidly under her direction....until we arrived at this point where the road forked. The sun partially blinded me even with my sunglasses on, so when I started to go to the left I started noticing Q tensing up.

"To the left. To the left...to the left... more to the left... pole... POLE.... POLE!!!!!!!"

I didn't hit the pole, but I DID manage to get crazy embarrassed. I started up with the "omg, I'm so sorry. I just... I mean.... I was blinded by the light *pause* wrapped up like a deuce *smile* .... never mind, not the time for that. I'm really sorry I almost killed you!!"

I'm just happy that Q was probably so afraid for her life that she didn't think to pummel me because - well, let's be honest. I have problems driving when I'm firing on all cylinders much less when I'm getting beat by a woman who has just seen her life flash before her eyes.

Needless to say, coffee... and a breakfast croissant... was on me. :)

Hello World!

Yes, I am that kind of nerd. It's how I roll. So hi, I'm Redgy, nice to meet you. :) The reality is I just need to get something up here because my cdo (yes, that's in the correct order, just like I like it!) refuses to let me keep this page blank. At the same time, I can't think of anything too witty or interesting to say as I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm posting on my new blog from my boss whom sits behind me instead of... well, you know, working.

So, anyways, hello world! I have a ton of silly stories to tell (that are both redgy and elevant -- more on that later), so we'll see if this blogging experiment is more successful than those I've tried in the past. Isn't that how everyone usually starts their blog? "Sorry it's been so long", "I promise to write more often", "I know it's been awhile, but I'll write more" as if they're talking (read: lying) to their dentist about flossing or talking their Aunt Lucy at a Christmas party. "Hi, how are the kids. Yeah, I promise I'll call more often. Thanks for the socks." The downside with the blogging, as opposed to talking to Aunt Lucy, is that there is far less egg nog available.

But I digress. Bottom line, if you're reading this blog, one of 3 things must be true:

1) You're one of the people who are mentioned (with really cool code names, zomg!!) in the stories I'm going to tell.

2) You like people who write the way they speak... and who can't spell... and who use '...', '--'. ':)' and various other '*(gesture)*' things more than they should while writing. (People who love grammar rules, know that I murder grammar on a regular basis, and am thankful that there is not a literary death penalty for doing it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!).

3) You were trying to visit your regular fashion blog and got stuck with me. Along those lines, you may want to try googling edgy and relevant. I was quite surprised to be linked to pierced clothing for christians. Yeah, you just read that correctly: pierced.... clothing... for christians. Sadly, it is not pierced in the way I was expecting, but it is apparently very edgy and relevant.... at the same time. I am just happy that no one has hurt themselves in the process of creating it, because that's what I was expecting.

So, yeah. That's me, this is my start, and we'll see how this goes. Next up, I'll start telling stories. Just remember to do wild hand gestures when you read them. :)